as explained by reference to cows
- FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
- PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them
in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the
cows. The government gives you a glass of milk.
- BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You
have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken
farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations
say you need.
- FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take
care of them, and sells you the milk.
- PURE COMMUNISM: You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your
neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the
most "need." Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk and the
cows drop dead from starvation.
- RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but
the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can
and sell it on the black market.
- PERESTROIKA: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the
Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it
on the "free" market.
- CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and
- DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
- PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
- REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone
to tell you who gets the milk.
- BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you
can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them.
Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the
drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing
- CAPITALISM: You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you any money
to buy cows because you don't have any cows to put up for collateral.
- PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price
or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
- ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
- SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
- OLYMPICS - ISM: You have two cows, one American and one Chinese. With the
help of trilling violins and state-of-the-art montage, John Tesh narrates
the moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony of growing up in
a suburb with (gasp) divorced parents, then mentions in passing that the
Chinese cow was beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and watched its
parents butchered before its eyes. The American cow wins the competition,
severely spraining an udder in a gritty performance, and gets a
multi-million dollar contract to endorse Wheaties. The Chinese cow is led
out of the arena and shot by Chinese government officials, though no one
ever hears about it McDonald's buys the meat and serves it hot and fast at
its Beijing restaurant.
- FEDERAL REPUBLICANISM: You have two cows. You let them wander in the
street and won"t milk them to feed your starving children because the
cows might be your great grandparents. (Contributed by: Dave K.)