Signs that you're addicted to the Internet

Your modem is broken. You feel frustrated. You try to connect by calling your ISP and mimic the modem sounds.
You succeed!

You kiss your girlfriend's home page.

Your bookmark file takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.

Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.

You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.

You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.

You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a
cellular modem and a laptop.

You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your
lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.

All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster
connection to the net: ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.

And even your night dreams are in HTML.

You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using
a word

You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved
and you don't have a clue when they left.

You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear
if new e-mail arrives.

All of your friends have an @ in their names.

When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all
of them are already highlighted in purple.

Your dog has his/her own home page.

You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway
through Lycos.

You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.

You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it

Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.

Even though you died last week, you've managed to retain OPS on
your favorite IRC channel.

You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.

You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because
they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.

Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.

You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games.

You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public rest rooms.

You tell the cab driver you live at

You actually just now tried that 123.elm.street address.

You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got
work to do" and you don't even have a job.

Your friends no longer send you e-mail... they just log on to your
IRC channel.

You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.

Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."

You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines

You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape
1.1 or higher."

You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP...
because you never log off.

You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair
in front of your computer with a toilet.

You forget what day/year it is.

You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you
think it sounds like the ocean wind... the perfect soundtrack
for "surfing the net".

Your wife says communication is important in you
buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two
of you can chat.

You actually wore a blue ribbon to protest the Communications Decency

You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.

You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check
your e-mail on the way back to bed.

The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.