Edjukashun

(These answers come from test papers and essays submitted to science and health teachers by junior high, high school, and college students around the world. This is the science created by young scholars under pressure of time and grades.)

Physics

• "The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."
• "A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
• "The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."
• "Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."
• "Liter: A nest of young puppies."
• "Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."
• "Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."
• "Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."
• "Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."

Chemistry

• "H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water"
• "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."
• "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube"
• "When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"
• "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state."

Physiology

• "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."
• "Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
• "When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire."
• "The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u."
• "The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."
• "A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."

Biology

• "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."
• "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
• "The pistol of a flower is its only protection agenst insects."
• "Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
• "Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."
• "A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."

Medicine

• "Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."
• "To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
• "For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops."
• "For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it."
• "For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."
• "For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat."

Veterinary

• "To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."

Classical Music

(From WQXR-AM and -FM in New York)
• "Refrain means don't do it. In music it's the part you better not sing."
• "Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was rather large."
• "Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music."
• "Henry Purcell is a well-known composer few people have heard of."
• "Aaron Copeland is a contemporary composer. It is unusual to be contemporary. Most composers do not live until they are dead."
• "Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel."
• "I know what a sextet is, but I'd rather not say."
• "Caruso was at first an Italian. then someone heard his voice and said he would go a long way. And so he came to America."